I am not crazy…Just a little unwell

WHY,why couldn’t you take all the things that remind me of you when you left?

Why couldn’t you take all the memories with you when you left? I don’t want them… Remembering how I felt when I could hold your hand and now I can’t makes my days misserable. It takes everything in me just to not think of you when I lay down at night. But no matter what I do you somehow you manage to find a way in my dreams… I don’t want these memories…I don’t wanna know where you are and if you think of me if I can’t be with you and you can’t be with me. They torture me everytime I try to think of the future and wonder why the hell aren’t you in my future.Why the fuck did I ever met you if now all that’s left of you are these goddamed pictures reminding me of you? And why the fuck can’t I just erase you from me memory and my life?Why always something HAS to remind me of you…

HOW THE HELL WE WIND UP LIKE THIS?

So here I am thinking again what would’ve been like if we where together…You know…I would have been with him now if he…Wasn’t who he is…

If he wouldn’t end it we would be together now…I would go visit for 4 days,no work, no distance seperating us, but instead I am here,wearing his T-shirt-the one he gave me and smells like him- listening to “Someday” by Nickelback and wishing for the best-worse end there can be…

I wish we could get over ourselfes and make things work…

I am not sure why I wish for that…Even if he wants us back together I am not going back. I can’t…

my pride wont let me…

Its more than a shame we couldn’t make it to a better end.

And this is the part where…Where I have to say I miss him so much and it hurts like hell when I think of the days we’ve spend together.

God,these memories…

…rip my heart off.

I can’t breath

It might sound weird but I mean it when I say “I can’t breath”. I walk around light-headed and dizzy and somehow I can’t breath…

It might have been a panic attack the other day and today it might have been the air or something…But I can’t.

A few months months back I said to a guy “I can’t breath without you”.

I wonder if he still remembers.

I wonder if he ever thinks of me. If he thinks the nights, the times we where together and how much I loved him.

I know that we wouldn’t feel good if we didn’t know how feeling bad,feels like…If that makes sence… So I guess I am supposed to feel bad in order to feel good at some point.

But I am starting to worry, that’ll never will…And I am scared.

I am really scared. And I need from someone to come and tell me that everything is Ok and that this guy I am falling for will be with me and that he loves me…