Yesterday it was my birthday…
I decided to make a whole new fresh start in my life…Well I decided that since he wont talk to me and he doesn’t want me in his life…Oh well…There is nothing I can do about it. So…It was hard but…. I QUITED!!!
Yes I will not wait for this guy anymore I had enough with all the waitting…I wont wait anymore…I through my life away. To hell everything…I guess.
Its weird how much I expose myself to depressing things…For no reason…Just for the sake of feeling something more than mediocrity? I don’t know if we know what really mediocrity really feels like…Its like the tip from a cigarete after smoking it…In the ashes…Half dead…Not able to start a fire with his warmth….Slowly…Torturing itself.
Thats how I feel right now…Like a cigarete in the damn ashtray…With no power to start a fire….Make a last try die properly.I can’t feel happy but I can’t say I am depressed in a point where I wanna kill myself. Witch to me is weird cause I am usualy either at the bottom or….Really Really nice…
I can’t stand being at the middle.
Things are still….Shitty.
What keeps me together is hope…And thats what keeps us all going…Hope…He wont talk to me…I runned away…I couldn’t take it…He was ingoring me….He was distant again…So I runned away…He never tried to stop me.I don’t think I regret it though.It was more than I could take…I told him I’ll love him forever…I meant it.I still do…But he is making it so hard…How can I stay in love with someone that constantly ignores me? It hurts so freaking much…It hurts so freaking much…He crossed the line and I don’t think I can forgive this….But then again I can’t stop thinking of him.
Angels and halos and stuff... 