Alone…Where I am not alone.

Hello people…..

I just got back from Dubai and right now I am listening to Green Day….

Of course my life is going to shit right now but I am thankfull I am not totaly depressed like the previous time I came back from this awsome playground I name Dubai. Thanks to lucky quinsedences I didnt do anything stupid….The minute I came back after I’ve seen and talked to some of my freinds living there I was ready to go to my room and totaly cry my eyes out…I have no idea how that didnt happen when in the taxi on my way back….Anyway! When I got in my room I fell on the bed and I took a deep breath….I was in the edge of tears…When I heard the door….It was one of my collegues…(Yeah and it helped a lot that it was the one I liked most…)So he proposed me to go and “Grab a cup of coffee”….”Sure!” I said….I know that when I say “Sure” it sounds sooo ironic….Of course I do it on perpose….So we went downstairs…And he seemed to understand me….I talked to him for everything…And he didnt say all these things people keep saying…He didnt even comment…And later that evening we where in a car.He said…”How did you fell in love?You can’t…..”    *long pause* “Thats how I met my wife….” he said to me…..”She was in London,but when I saw her for the first time I knew I wanted her badly…And now we are married….” he contenued…That was one hell of a moment…I never replied at him, I kept looking outside.

The reason I was/am depressed is that I see my self in a deadend.I dont wanna go back to Dubai….But I do.

*cocks eyebrow*

Makes no sence does it?I dont know what the hell….I am supposed to like the place I am considering of moving there…But I do like it…Its just that I dont wanna move and…DO NOTHING!What the hell am I going to do in a place where I wont be able to go outside bymyself?EXACTLY!

What if I am mad and I wanna go out in one of the malls and get myself broke?I wont have no one to do that with…Its kinda..I dont know…I read blogs of other people that are gonna move to Dubai but “people” are male…And the people I know told me that “Wont be there for me…” They made that clear alright.I dont even wanna talk about it to my best freind….I dont wanna talk about this to anyone.But I am pretty sure someone of all the involved people are gonna talk….I feel perrty bad.About everything…I can’t even discribe the size of my disappointment….I cant discribe how…Sorry I am that I see my dreams “disintergrate”.And what can I do about it?

All in all….That was one hell of a day….Weird but it worths to remember..