In Dubai…

I was traveling again…

I went to see this guy I like,again…(No it wasn’t fun)

I have the weirdsest thoughts about life right now.

Pretty much now I am not really interested in living…But then again someone said last night that I should try to make the best out of life.How do I do that?

Oh well…Like he knows!!!Ahahah…

My freinds said that they missed me…How come,since,I am never around?I had to go abroad to miss me?And my parents started asking “How was it in Dubai,did you had a good time?” And I really don’t get their questions…What do you m e a n how was it in Dubai?Like you’ll ever know how great or awfull or hot or cold it was….I really have no words.

“How was Dubai?” ….”Well it was pretty much the same as it was the last time I was there…”

What more is it there to say?

And after that people ask…”Did you had a good time there?”

And thats the part where I am left out of words…

“Awww,no I had an awfull time…”

But I can’t really say that cause if I do I’ll have to answer more questions,like:”Why,what happened?”

And guess what?-I DO NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW-.

Lest all stick to “It was nice…”

No further questions-PLEASE!-.

Plus I have most of my female freinds asking me..”Did anything interesting happened?” after winking at me…

What am I supposed to say here?I know what I wanna say….3 words…”FUCK YOU BITCH”.

But just because I tend to pretend I am Ok I just say “No.”

What happened in Dubai stays in Dubai.

Ahahah…Kinda funny.

What really happened was that I screw up. I had people telling me that I should forget the one I claim to love. I really don’t know what to do. I have people telling me that “There is something wrong with me” and that I should “work on it and move on”. Maybe…Maybe not…Then again who are you to judge me?

I really like the guy who said that…But…I don’t know…

Oh forget it!!!

“I quit!”

There he is moving to Dubai….Before I do.I am kinda pissed but then again I don’t think I want it that much.I mean I do but lets face it…I am thinking of U.S.A.I can deffinetly see myself moving there. And after all thats what I wanted…But the fact that I dont even know where to start from is a problem. If I move, I wont know anyone…I will be alone with no freinds and I don’t think I can make it there…ALONE. I thought about it and I understood I need to leave. I have all the reasons I need but unfortunatly I have no active motivation to move me….I thought that I had freinds in Dubai…I was proved wrong once more…I have nothing nothing in Dubai, all I have is people that don’t like me.

I need to…

I was about to apply for a U.S Green Card today…

And something stoped me from doing so….I dont know why I didnt.

The guy I claim to love is in the U.S now…And I am stuck in the middle of nowhere left alone with no one to talk to.Not even him.To be honest I have never talked to him,I mean really talk for what I am thinking of and open my self to him…(except from the time I…Said I like him…)

Damn I need somebody to talk to…I need to say I am lost inside…I need to say that I must find a reason to live quickly cause I am sick of this “half” life I live all these years.I wanna scream to the world that I am not Ok…My life is not “Ok” and….And that I am dieing a little bit inside everyday…Everyday.

I must NOT live for someone else…And I shouldnt “build” my life around someone else…And writting this hurts so much because I wanted someone with me…Someone that I’ll love and we’ll see the world together…I accept the fact that I am defeated…Cause I look at my life and I see that there is nothing to keep me alive anymore…No reason to keep living since what I want is not going to happen…

So em…I guess this is it…