Not so…

I have a friend that says he wants to “fall in love”. He thinks he is romantic….

I think he is insane.

What is love anyway?

Can you really define it? Can we have a checklist with love symptoms?

In my books love is the WORSE thing that can happen to you.

To this guy’s books love is something awsome…”Best feeling in the world” he said.

I am not sure I’ve felt love in my life…

What I used to call love was something like this:

When I wasn’t with the saying person I felt so lost that I couldn’t breath. Thats why I told him “I can’t breath without you”…I guess he’d never know I was serious. I felt “something”…Something that made me envy his white t-shirt cause it’d touch his skin more than I could. I was jealous of everything and everyone near him…When we weren’t together I couldn’t help but think of the time we’d be together again.I’d wake up 3 times every night to check my e-mails just in case…Just in case he had something to say. But the worse part was my endless suffocating…I could not think of a life without him.The air I breathed.

No, I could not take this feeling. I want a life were I won’t feel I’ll stop breathing when I am not with the person I claim to love. I am much too selfish…MAYBE its wrong, maybe its right…Who can judge?

Then again I never stoped feeling this…Just eventualy another guy came, and took my mind off of every problem I ever had. He made me feel I am on top of the world, so confident and so happy. Thats when I said “I love you” for the third time in my life…This feeling though was awsome. Its like I had everything life could offer me. if you’d ask me what was missing out of my life I’d say nothing. But all good things come into an end-I guess-they have to. No worries I don’t feel bad for it…I have only good things to remember and I am greatful I had the chance to be with this guy.

To bring up the whole “I wanna fall in love” thing…

After thinking of what true love might be I get SO scared of it. What if one day I realise that these feelings I had sucsessfully numbed have awakened and the suffocating starts again?

No. It took everything in me just to forget the way his skin felt…His scent.

Sure I’d like to fall in love like men do…Fall in love for a single night then be over it by morning…Maybe I am wrong. But the idea of a having someone that’s gonna make you smile everytime you think of him and you are gonna be happy even when you are not together…Someone to hold my hand,someone I can lie next to and fall asleep knowing he wants me there.

Sure if that’s what falling in love means I really wanna fall in love…Tonight or tomorrow…Or maybe next week…I sure wanna fall in love.

Maria